Monday, June 3, 2013
A "Bubble of Peace"
Have you ever been challenged with an illness, believing God to heal you, but don't understand why He hasn't? Your mind begins to play all sorts of games with you and even will accuse God of not caring about you. It is an ugly place to be. It is not true. God wants us to be healed, but by His way, at His time and at His place. Sometimes it is a miracle, sometimes it is a process, sometimes it is a promotion home. Whichever, I believe the truth is that my God wants me healed. I dare not be presumptuous, telling my God how to do anything. God is good and He ONLY knows how to do good things.
My first experience learning this truth was when I needed an operation and I prayed for a year and a half to be healed. I stood in prayer lines, had hands laid on me, and fasted and prayed, but I still needed an operation. My blood count was getting lower and lower, and if I wasn't miraculously healed or had the operation I was in serious trouble. One morning while I was in prayer, I asked the Lord why He wasn't healing me? I will never forget His answer. "My daughter, do you want a miracle or do you want to know Me?" I felt at that moment that I had a decision to make. The choice was mine. In my heart I had been crying out to know Him more, so I said without thinking, "Lord, I want to know You." He answered, "Than go my way." I knew exactly what He meant. I never again asked. I set up an appointment for the operation and prepared my heart. I can't say that I wasn't disappointed, but I had His peace. Now, I don't want you to think that I heard the Lord audibly, I didn't. It was just a witness to my spirit that the Lord had spoken to me. (John 10:27) It was His peace.
The day I arrived at the hospital I was checked in and taken to my room. I didn't know what to expect. Nurses came in and out poking me with needles, and before I knew it I was put on a gurney, rolled out into the hallway and left there. Doctors and nurses walked by, picked up my chart, looked at it and moved on. I didn't see my doctor for over an hour, but I had the most incredible peace. I don't like hospitals. Honestly, that was the real reason I wanted a miracle. I didn't want to deal with my fear. But, what I experienced was the Lord's most amazing PEACE through my whole stay. It was like I was living in a BIG BUBBLE of PEACE. Jesus NEVER left my side. He was there the whole week.
During this time there was another kind of miraculous healing. I received an emotional healing between my mother and I. When I grew up, my mother had to teach school to keep food on the table. Whenever I got sick , my mother had to work and I missed her. My father was always around somewhere on the farm, but I was alone in the house with a little kitty to amuse myself. Oh, how much I wanted my mother to be with me, but it was impossible. For years I had stuffed resentment down in the heart towards my mother. I didn't understand the family's financial stress.
Now, I needed an operation and how much I wanted my mother to come and care for me and the children. The most amazing thing happened. Only God could do it. My mother decided to come down from New England and stay with me for TWO WEEKS! That was huge. Her willingness to come all the way down to care for me and my family was a surprise blessing. It helped to take the hurt away. God had healed my heart. Now, I began to understand why God had said to me, "Do you want a miracle or do you want to know Me? I had to got through the trial in order to experience the Lord's presence and especially His PEACE. By His grace, I was able to forgive for my mother.
Everyone couldn't believe the peace that I had. I couldn't believe it either. I even healed in half the time and was up to doing my regular routine within two weeks. When I think back, I am so happy that I chose to go His way and have the operation and not just a miracle. The Lord knew my heart and personally, I think He was more interested in the healing between my mother and me. I received God's healing His way that was best for me.
Since then, I know to ask for His healing and to wait upon His timing. He is my healer and He is my health. God 's ways are good for each of His children. His peace to me was the the essence of His presence. A peace that released me from all my worry, anxiety, and fear of the hospital. A peace that brought a deep healing between my mother and I. The Lord knew what I needed to continue to know Him. I am very grateful that I chose to go His way. In my heart of hearts,I believe it was a MIRACLE.