Why was I so angry at God? I loved the Lord.. He died for my sin. I have been in the faith for forty-five year seeking to know Him and His ways. Why should I be angry? I received the Holy Spirit and the gift of prayer (tongues) to pursue a deeper relationship with Him. It didn't make any sense. I certainly didn't want anyone to know, especially the Lord. Christians don't get mad at God.
This condition led to a spiritually dry desert place with no rain in sight. I prayed and prayed, but the clouds were empty. My bible reading was dull, no life. I started to murmur and complain. 'Lord where are you? I am crying out to You? Why don't you answer? Why are you hiding? The body of Christ is so full of apathy and I am mad. Don't you care"
For weeks it had been a struggle to reach His heart and to hear His voice. It wasn't like Him. I confessed my murmuring and complaining hoping to find a release, but nothing. Prayer was hard, but I pressed in hoping to break through. I thought to myself, "The Lord is testing me." Will I persevere in prayer through a a dry time? That has to be it. I have been there before, but why am I so angry?
I finally got a breakthrough when the Lord said to me, "My child why are you so angry at Me.?
"Lord, I am not angry with You. I am angry at Your church. Remember the five virgins asleep with no oil in their lamps. Why don't you do something?
"My child, whose Bride is it? Why is it your concern. Am I not building my church, My way?"
The scriptures were brought to my mind,. Numbers 20: 8-13 There was no water. Moses was so angry with the people's murmuring and complaining. The Lord told him to speak to the rock, but instead of speaking he struck the rock twice. His disobedience forfeited his entering the promised land..
I got it. Once again the Holy Spirit brought to light the voice of the Lord through scripture. I heard it loud and clear. The Rock was Jesus. He has told me to speak to him concerning His body, not to strike it with my anger. My heart was grieved. I thought I was so justified. I repented of my anger and confessed my sin to the Lord. Again my pride had revealed. How many times has He told me that my pride steals His glory. Truly, in my flesh dwells no good thing. I am so grateful for the Lord's forgiveness and especially the Holy Spirit's conviction that leads me to repentance.
I am very grateful that I am not Moses. Moses wasn't able to go into the promised land. Jesus is my promised land. I am in Him and He is in me. By faith my anger is on calvary. Jesus is the Rock that was struck at calvary for me. Now I am to only speak to Him, obey Him and not get angry. I am no longer in the dry , desert place. I have been restored until the next time. On to glory.